I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
