filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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