He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
