I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
