Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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