You're my little dorito
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
