i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
