I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do herpes really smell.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
