i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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