I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
