my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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