Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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