It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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