oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
