And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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