So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I look better un-naked...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
