I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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