he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
