Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
