I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
