I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
