i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize