Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
