yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
