just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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