Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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