Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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