At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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