We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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