He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
