I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
