i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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