Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize