i think my tv is drunk
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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