My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
