You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
