he shaved USA in his pubs
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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