and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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