We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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