I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
