Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
