my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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