Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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