I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
