Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my liver is dry heaving
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
