I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize