Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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