Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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