I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
my liver is dry heaving
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
