She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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