I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
