I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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