he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize