So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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