Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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