someone threw a dead crab at me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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