So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize