also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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