when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wear drunk well.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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