I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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