i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
