It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
