Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
