Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
