apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
