How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
