I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
