Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
