Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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