I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
