Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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