so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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