Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
