I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
