Got a toothbrush?
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
