gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Still dying that you shit outside
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
