Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
