Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
