Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
