so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
