okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
