This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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