oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
