im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
