Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
