can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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