Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
