Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
