Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize