I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
