I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
