Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
